Update on my challebging week

A friend of mine who is a military wife told me that she usually loses weight when he has to endure long periods without her husband.  She suspects it is because she has less time to eat since she is so busy caring for the kids and house.  Well, I don't know if I am losing weight or not, but I DEFINITELY have less time to eat!  I barely ate at all today, and that is HUGE for a girl who snacks at every chance she can get.  In fact, I ate so little that I can give you today's menu in a very short list.  Here is what I ate today:

•  2 slices of whole wheat toast with peanut butter
• Coffee with half and half 
• Roast beef and cheese on a Flat Out wrap 
• Lara Bar 
• Banana

 Perhaps I should have eaten more, but I honestly did not have time!  I never thought I would have to consciously make time for eating a balanced diet.  My, how children change the name of the game!

I have been doing so much better than I though I would without Nick here.  I do miss him and I can't wait to see him in 3 days, but in the mean time, I have managed to keep a good attitude, despite how utterly exhausted I am.  I feel empowered by my ability to take command of the house and family by myself.  However, I am ready to have my husband back. 

Another full day tomorrow.  I will look for more opportunities to eat small, wholesome meals. 

A challenging week

This is going to be a challenging week for me. Nick, my main support system, is out of the country on a mini mission trip to dig a well in Central America all this week. I miss having his encouragement and excitement around. Its also hard for me to make wholesome food choices when I have so little energy left after taking care of the kids all day and night. However, its also a little easier to eat right, since I am so busy with the kids I have very little time to actually eat! I did fairly well yesterday, although it was difficult for me to not binge eat once the kids were in bed. I did ok, though, and managed to limit my snacking to a big glass of wine and a couple cups of kettle corn. I am going to try to load the kids up at some point today and get a nice long walk.

As I said, I am pretty exhausted today. As a matter of fact, the writing composition part of my brain seems to be still asleep, as I can come up with nothing more to say. Keep the kids and I in your thoughts and prayers this week as we have 5 more days before daddy comes home. (With some help arriving on Wednesday night in the form of Uncle Michael and Aunt Dorothy.) Thanks!

The team digging the well 

My hard hat babe

Weekly weigh in

After such a dissapointing weigh in last week I am thrilled to report that I weighed in at 195 pounds this morning! So I guess I lost 5 pounds this week! It seems strange that I would suddenly lose 5 pounds BUT HEY I'll take it. :) I am headed to my parents cabin for the weekend in a few minutes, hence the early weigh in and the short post from my Kindle. I will post again when I return. Finally some sucess and it is so encouraging amd motivating! :) :) :)

Wordless Wednesday

Burn more calories - wear your baby!  (National Zoo, Washington, DC) 

On a hike at Gannett Hill, Naples, NY

Hiking again, Potter County, PA

Not losing weight but gaining health...

A very wise friend once told me, during a candid conversation we were having about our weight struggles, that she has the most success when she thinks about gaining health rather than losing weight. I always thought it was a wise sentiment but I could never really take it on as my own. Today, however, I really thought about it alot and started to adopt it as my mantra. Today I was active and I made wholesome food choices. I have no idea what the scale says but despite the ups and downs of my weight number, my body felt great! I think that no matter how long it takes me to reach my own ideal weight I can feel good about my progress because without a shadow of a doubt I am gaining health.

Bring it ON.

I jumped in the pool with my clothes on tonight, something I haven't done for years.  The last time I remember even jumping in the pool was about 7 years ago right after Nick and I started dating.  I was wearing flowing, pink linen pants and a tight white tank top.  I was thin and impulse and confident.  Quite the contrast from tonight, as I was hot and sweaty and bumming out that I was at home taking care of the kids instead of at the Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds concert.  I was feeling sorry for myself and frustrated and trapped, and I just had to break free.  I turned to my brother in law, asked him to hold the baby for a minute, I ran up to the pool and jumped in.  My body sliced through the cold water and I sunk down to the bottom.  As I floated towards the top, time seemed to slow down.  I heard a small voice tell me not to give up this fight.  "Just keep going, Reb.  Don't stop.  Don't you dare stop." I came to the top and swept my hair out of my face.  I took a long, cool breath and smiled.

Losing weight is a fight and struggle.  It is not easy for me.  I am stubborn and addicted to food and I don't accept change easily.  But I want more than anything to be thin and fit and healthy.  Just because this is hard does not mean that it isn't a worthy fight.  

I started this blog as a way to keep me motivated, and above all else, honest with myself.  In being honest with you, I am being honest with myself.  Here is an honest statement - this is a tough process, and for me its a process that I do not enjoy, but I am NOT going to quit, and I WILL lose weight and have the body I always dream of.  If it takes me 10 years to get there, so be it.  So for better or for worse, I blog on... 

Tomorrow is a new day, an new week, and most likely, a whole set of new challenges.  And I welcome them.  Bring it ON. 

Weekly Weigh In

I weighed in this morning at 200.0 lbs.  I felt like I did really well this week and I have no idea why the number on the scale did not reflect that.  I feel healthier and lighter on my feet and I FEEL like I am losing weight... but apparently that is not the case.  I feel like I am doing as much as I can... not as much as is humanly possible, but as much as a breast feeding mom with a toddler and an infant can do right now.  Somehow its just not enough.  Do you ever feel like what you do is NEVER enough... yeah.  

I was so disappointed this morning that I moped on the couch and watched Grey's Anatomy on Netflix while Nick and the kids went on a long walk. Then I ate about a million butterscotch chips and a couple bowls of ice cream.  If I am going to be fat anyway, I might as well have fun doing it, right?

Feeling pretty down today.  Not sure what direction to take from here.  That's all for today.