Learning to think outside the moment

Its 9:45 at night.  The kids have been in bed for an hour.  The kitchen is relatively clean.  I am tired.  I know I should go to bed, but the kids are asleep and its my "free time."  I want to eat.  I know I shouldn't, so I try to put it out of my mind...

I pace around the house.  I turn on the TV.  I turn off the TV.  I fold a couple items of clothes.  I put them down.  I make some tea.  I walk over to the cupboard and open it.  Nothing in there.  I close it.  I open it again.  I start to get creative.  I think, "I could eat a peanut butter and honey sandwich on a hot dog roll."  I know its a lot of calories.  I sound desperate, even to myself.  I close the cupbaord.  I walk away.  My mouth waters as I think of the sandwich.  I open the cupbaord... and make a peanut butter and honey sandwich on a hot dog roll at 10:30 pm. 

As I eat the snack, I feel bad.  Deep down inside, I don't want to eat it, but I just can't get the thought out of my head.  I know I'll regret it tomorrow.  I know I'll wake up and say, "Ugh, why didn't I just stay strong and say no?"  I feel so bad that I go ahead and make and eat a second one. 

I was right.  I wake up in the morning and feel terrible.  I swear I won't do it again.  But I always do.  Sometimes it happens late at night, and sometimes it happens in the afternoon when the kids are down for naps. 

I was thinking about this scenario this afternoon and I realized something pretty big.  I need to learn to live outside of the moment.  I need to really and truly forgo my emotions in the moment and resist the food, knowing that I will feel so proud of myself later on.  It may be easy for some, but for me it is so hard. 

I will probably always have a desire to over eat.  I will probably always have an emotional response to food.  What I need to do is stop hoping that those feelings go away, and start to learn to live beyond those knee-jerk feelings and start forcing myself to see the big picture.  Its not easy, but it can be done.