Weekly Weight In

I weighed in at 193.5 on Saturday morning.  I honestly have no idea whether or not I lost weight because it has been so long since I weighed myself seriously.  I do know that 6 weeks ago, before I fell off the health wagon, I weighed 189.5.  So obviously I gained some weight back during my weight loss journey haitus.  However, 4 pounds for a month of eating whatever the heck I want is NOT bad.  SO I feel pretty good about that.

I had a good week.  I did alot of things really well.  I logged nearly everything I ate on MyFitnessPal and I did get some exercise in - both walking around town with the kids AND actually getting on a tread mill at the YMCA.  There were things I didn't do so well, like eating whatever I wanted all weekend, but I think it was a good first week back.

So tomorrow is Monday and another chance to get a good start to my week.  I plan to get some exercise in by taking the kids on a nice long fall walk.  Now that I have a concrete goal (get back to under 190 lbs) I can start really focusing and getting it done.  Here we go!

My little buddy and I burning some calories together on a crisp fall afternoon.

Wodless Wednesday: Things that keep me active

 

The Power of Routine

 

One thing that always helps me stick to my diet is routine.  I know this is not the case for everyone, but for me, sticking to a routine for certain meals has many benefits.

I was recently reading an article in "Prevention Magazine" about Dr. Oz.  It was kind of a corny article, one of those "8 Things You Can Do To Increase Your Life By 10 Years" articles, but one small thing resonated with me.  Dr. Oz was talking about eliminating stress in our lives by not making too many decisions about small things.  And example he gave was eating breakfast.  "Just have the same darn thing for breakfast every day," he says.  "I automate as many decisions as possible, which helps me."  I have to say that I agree.

I pretty much DO have the same thing for breakfast every day.  I like to eat cold cereal with almond milk, and coffee with fancy creamer.  Its a routine for me, and that takes away a certain, small amount of stress in the morning.

I do a similar thing for lunch, although the routine of lunch changes every couple of weeks.  Right now I am on a "McDougal Vegan Instant Soup" kick.  One bowl of any variety of that delicious soup is 200 calories.  It is a surprisingly hearty meal and one that takes me time to eat.  So lately I look forward to having that for lunch, along with a piece of fruit or 2 and sometimes a sandwich or some chips.  Again, knowing what to expect at lunch time eliminates some decision making and a tiny amount of stress.  It also helps me better plan my day in terms of eating if I know roughly how many calories I will have when it comes to dinner time, and meal in which I do appreciate variety.

Routine may not be your cup of tea, but as Dr. Oz says, it can help us out a lot because it automates some decisions in the day.  This not only relieves a small amount of stress, but also prevents me from making a poor food decision.  There is a power in routine for me.  Is there for you?

Learning to think outside the moment

Its 9:45 at night.  The kids have been in bed for an hour.  The kitchen is relatively clean.  I am tired.  I know I should go to bed, but the kids are asleep and its my "free time."  I want to eat.  I know I shouldn't, so I try to put it out of my mind...

I pace around the house.  I turn on the TV.  I turn off the TV.  I fold a couple items of clothes.  I put them down.  I make some tea.  I walk over to the cupboard and open it.  Nothing in there.  I close it.  I open it again.  I start to get creative.  I think, "I could eat a peanut butter and honey sandwich on a hot dog roll."  I know its a lot of calories.  I sound desperate, even to myself.  I close the cupbaord.  I walk away.  My mouth waters as I think of the sandwich.  I open the cupbaord... and make a peanut butter and honey sandwich on a hot dog roll at 10:30 pm. 

As I eat the snack, I feel bad.  Deep down inside, I don't want to eat it, but I just can't get the thought out of my head.  I know I'll regret it tomorrow.  I know I'll wake up and say, "Ugh, why didn't I just stay strong and say no?"  I feel so bad that I go ahead and make and eat a second one. 

I was right.  I wake up in the morning and feel terrible.  I swear I won't do it again.  But I always do.  Sometimes it happens late at night, and sometimes it happens in the afternoon when the kids are down for naps. 

I was thinking about this scenario this afternoon and I realized something pretty big.  I need to learn to live outside of the moment.  I need to really and truly forgo my emotions in the moment and resist the food, knowing that I will feel so proud of myself later on.  It may be easy for some, but for me it is so hard. 

I will probably always have a desire to over eat.  I will probably always have an emotional response to food.  What I need to do is stop hoping that those feelings go away, and start to learn to live beyond those knee-jerk feelings and start forcing myself to see the big picture.  Its not easy, but it can be done. 

The Prodigal Fat Girl Returns...

Its been 5 weeks since my last blog post, and about 2 weeks since I last weighed myself.  The last time I was brave enough to step on the scale it looked like I had gained about 4 pounds.  I have stopped logging onto MyFitnessPal, and nearly stopped exercising.  So let's just go ahead and say what we're all thinking here - I fell off the wagon. 

So here comes the excuse... without going into too many lengthy details, suffice it to say that my life has been extremely stressful and emotional for the past month... OK, in a nutshell, we are in the process of selling our house and buying a new one.  Those of you who have been through this know that it is never as easy as you think it should be.  Those of you who have been through the process with babies and toddlers know that it can feel, at times, impossible.  In addition to that stress, a very dear family member recently declined in health dramatically, and sadly died about a week and a half later.  After traveling to PA to say goodbye, we came home to marching band season, so Nick was out of the house many evenings and Saturdays.  Like I said, its been an emotional and stressful past month. 

Not that I couldn't have continued to lose weight and improved my health during that time, I just basically chose not to.  For me, making healthy choices is a daily, sometimes hourly battle.  It takes an incredible amount of will power and creativity to stay on the wagon.  During the past month or so I just didn't have the emotional energy to make those choices.  SO I did not.  And I gained some weight back. 

But now its mid-October, and marching band season is over.  The sale of our house is well underway.  I am beginning to accept the loss in our family.  I'm ready to take a deep breath get back on the wagon.  

Tomorrow is Monday.  I LOVE Mondays.  Others may hate them, but I love them.  Mondays symbolize a fresh start, and give me a concrete and tangible time to hit the reset button.  So tomorrow I am going to do just that. 

This week I invite you to reunite with me on my journey toward a smaller, happier, and healthier Reb.  I promise to blog every day.  I promise to log what I eat online.  I promise to exercise, even if it is only once this week.  I promise to jump back on board, no matter how disappointed, embarrassed, or defeated I feel.  Its time to get off my butt and do this thing.  So here we go........

Weekly Weigh In

As Nick transitioned back to school this week, the kids and I transitioned back to life at home with just the three of us for much of the day.  For me, change brings stress and stress brings eating.  I went over my target calories many days this week.  Somehow I must have managed to exercise enough to compensate for my over eating, however, because this week at the scale I LOST 2.5 POUNDS!

That brings me back down below where I was 3 weeks ago before I gained some weight back.  Halleluiah!  That was not the only success this week, though.  I also went down a pant size!  I tried on some size 16 pants that I had been saving and I found that I finally fit into them.  I didn't waste a moment getting rid of all my fat pants.  The size 18's have been boxed up and are headed out to consignment later this week.  No looking back, this time. 

I hope to find more time this week to blog and keep you all updated on my journey.  I am so thrilled to see the changed taking place in my life that I have so longed for during the last few years.  As always, thanks for sticking it out with me through the ups and downs.  I leave you with some facts and figures to ponder this evening...

• 14.5 lbs. down do far 

• 15.5 lbs. left to my pre-baby #1 weight 

• 40.5 lbs. left to my ultimate goal 

• 1 size down, 2 to go 

Weekly Weigh In

Another sad week at the scale, I am sorry to report. I gained half a pound, bringing my weight back up to 193 - 2 pounds higher than it was 2 weeks ago.  Ugh.  As is often the case, I am disappointed but not surprised in the least.  As a matter of fact, this sort of pattern is very consistent with my weight loss patterns of old.  What often happens after I experience several weeks of weight loss is that I get comfortable.  I start to feel thin and indivisible. I start to work a little less hard and make slightly worse food choices.  I usually gain all the weight back, but not this time.  I am going to stop this in its tracks!  I am going to get MAD and get WORKING.  I am going to BLITZ my bulge this week and kill the scale at the next weigh in.  Here is how I am going to do it:

1. WORK OUT - Instead of just taking the kids or dog for walks around the neighborhood I am going to get to the gym at least 3 times this week and really work out.

2. EAT SMARTER - MyFitnessPal has definitely been beneficial for me, but its also had some negative effects, too.  Instead of focusing on the quality of my food, lately I have been just focusing on the caloric value only.  In other words, there have been days in which I eat cake for breakfast, Ramen Noodles for lunch, and hot dogs for dinner, but still stay within my calorie limit.  I don't feel good anymore, nor am I putting good food into my body.  So this week I vow to think about quantity AS WELL AS quality.

3. NOT GIVE UP - Keep fighting the good fight.  What more do I need to say.

SO here's to week of fighting the urge to grow complacent and fat.  I can do this.  The question is, will I???

Weekly Weigh In

Quick little post from my Kindle. Weighed in yesterday at 192.5... so I GAINED a pound and a half since last week. I am not surprised. I had a majorn lapse in self control and basically went over my targetted calorie intake every day. I'm not sure why it happened, but I can tell you this: I had to lose nearly 15 pounds before I felt remotely thinner, But only had to gain one to feel like a big fattie... I inow it isn't true, though. I am not a big fattie. I am a girl who has still lost over 10 pounds, despite my recent gain. I can't let a bad week make me stop. That would be the worst thong I could do. So I accept last week as it was and focus my attention on the week ahead and all the possibilities it has in store...

Eating, eating, eating...

This has been SUCH a hard week for me.  The stress of trying to sell our house has been compounded by the baby not sleeping (she just cut a new tooth today) and all the usual house cleaning and summer music lessons.  I have really buckled under the pressure and have been eating everything in sight.  Snacking with reckless abandon has been my routine this week.  I suppose it had to happen sooner or later, I couldn't have TOO many great weeks in a row.  Frankly, I will be lucky and happy to maintain my weight this week.  Losing is probably not going to happen. 

As always, however, I am not giving up on my long term goals, and I'm not letting one rotten week spoil my drive or motivation to get healthy.  I will weigh in on Saturday, accept whatever the scale says, and turn the page in my planner to a new, fresh week.  Here's to hoping I can eat less tomorrow and reserve some dignity to bring to the weigh-in in 2 days. 

Dinner by Nick

Nick made dinner tonight, and he even took the time to figure out the caloric value of all the foods on my plate.  It was delcisious, wholesome, filling, and surprisingly low in calories.  AND beautiful!  (See picture above.)  Here is what he prepared for us: 

4 oz Swai filet - 90
1/2 cup of prepared Trader Joe's Harvest Blend Grain Mix - 170
1 cup Steamed Broccoli - 50
1 tsp oil for frying the fish - 40
1 tbsp flour to coat the fish - 35
8 oz red wine - 170

That works out to 555 calories for the entire meal, red wine included.  I thought it was such a great meal because it included whole grains, lots of fresh veggies, protein, healthy fats and oils, AND wine to boot. (um... antioxidants... yeah, we'll go with that as our excuse for drinking red wine.)  In addition, it was made with minimal processed ingredients.  Bravo, Nick, what a great meal.  Does this mean I have to cook tomorrow.... ;-)

Weekly Weigh In

 I weighed in this Saturday, and it was good news again!  I lost 2 pounds, bringing me down to 191.  I am very pleased with my progress.  As I mentioned last week, I seem to be on a roll and LOVING it.  After being stuck at 200 lbs. for weeks, this string of successes is so sweet.  I attribute my success to a few key factors:

1. JOURNALING!  Using MyFitnessPal has revolutionized the way I eat and exercise and balance my diet.  It is so very good to look back and see all that I ate during the day.  Its also fun for me, dare I say, to log my daily caloric activity. 

2. NOT GIVING UP.  In recent years I have often had a manic spell of weight loss motivation that shot out like a cannon but died within days.  My husband Nick could tell you how frustrating it was for him to stay supportive every time I would have a big idea, work hard for 2 weeks, then slowly give up and slip back into self loathing.  This time, however, I fought through the let down that comes after the "honey moon" of a new weight loss plan, and now I am experiencing real rewards.  And Nick stuck with me through it all, which brings me to my next factor...

3. SUPPORT SYSTEM.  Nick is an incredible man.  He fell in love with me when I was 150 lbs. and he has loved me through every weight gain and loss all the way up to my peak at 205 lbs.  He admits that it was hard for him to watch me put on so much weight and feel so sorry for myself.  Although I was the same woman he loved on the inside, I did change drastically on the outisde, and that was hard for us both!  However, Nick has not only loved me through it all, but also supported me and encouraged me and believed in me despite the dead ends I kept running into. I cannot tell you what strength that has given me.  In addition to my spousal support, I also find incredible support through my friends on MyFitnessPal, my faithful blog readers, as well as my sisters and parents.  No matter who it is in your life, you need someone who will love you enough to see past your weight gain but NOT see through it.  The people who truly love me never treated me differently because I was fat, but they never ignored the fact that I needed to make some changes in my life and get healthy.  That support has made all the difference. 

 

 So here we are, 4 months into this... 14 pounds down, 41 to go.  I continue to feel good and motivated and excited as my body takes new shape.  Just have to keep on trucking.  Thanks, as always, for being such an important part of this journey.

Track the calories BEFORE you eat them

Just a quick little post today with another quick little trick...

If you are able, when going out to eat, look up the caloric values of the food you intend to eat and log those calories BEFORE you eat them.  Try to plan your day around your big meal.  You may not be able to prevent yourself form going over your calorie goals, but you might be able to prevent yourself from totally and utterly blowing it. 

A couple of months ago I wrote about going out to eat at the Cheesecake Factory.  I though I was eating a healthy meal, only to look up the nutrition facts later on and find that my dinner 100 calories over my TOTALLY daily intake.  (YIKES!)  Tonight my husband and I went out to eat at the Olive Garden.  I decided to do it differently this time by looking up the nutrition facts and logging them before we went out to eat. By doing this, I was aware of what I was eating and planned my day around the big splurge that was coming.  YES, I still went over my alloted calories for the day, but only by about 200 calries instead of 900 that is typical when I go out to eat. 

The moral of the story is to think ahead, plan ahead, and prevent complete pig outs by being an informed and educated consumer. 

Alternative forms of Comfort

Here's my little trick of the day - if you are a person who tends to turn to food for comfort, try and find other ways to comfort yourself!  I know it sounds simple, but if you struggle with your weight and/or compulsive eating like I do, then you know how hard it can actually be.  Its taken me many years to find things that comfort me as much a a big slice of cheesecake.  Here are TOP FIVE WAYS TO BE COMFORTED, other than food, of course...

 1.  Coffee - nothing like a hot, delicious mug of coffee to make me feel cozy.  Tea also works.

2. Pajama Pants - Slipping into a comfy pair of pajama pants makes me feel like everything is going to be OK in the world.  I feel relaxed and cute in my favorite PJ's.  And for the record, pajama pants are not just for bedtime!  

3. Hoodie Sweatshirt - This comfortable pullover is best coupled with the pajama pants, or a good old, comfortable pair of jeans.  The feeling of being snuggled and secure in a big hoodie makes me feel like I am wrapped up in my security blanket.  I feel protected and comforted. 

4. Pedicure - I realize that you may not be able to do this anytime or anywhere, but when the time is right, a spa pedicure really makes me feel nice.  It is an excellent alternative treat, one that I often look forward to instead of food. 

5. Glass of wine - Now, I know that wine has calories just like food, but a 6 oz glass of wine, roughly 120 calories, is MUCH better than that 500 calorie slice of cheesecake I might otherwise reach for.  AND you can slowly sip your wine and enjoy it for a much longer period of time then a piece of cake that you might just shovel in.  If you are not one to enjoy an alcoholic drink, you may enjoy a sparking cider or some flavored seltzer water instead. 

I encourage you to find YOUR top 5 favorite ways to be comforted, other than eating, of course.  Make a list and post it on your fridge, so the next time you want to throw in the towel and graze, count to 10 and try something less calorific first instead.  Don't know what your top 5 are?  Try some of mine on for size and see if they bring you the same comfort that they bring me.  Whatever you do, try to realize that there are other ways of relieving stress and anxiety other than eating. 

Last Chance Workout

Sometimes its 9:30 or 10:00 at night and I am reviewing my day of eating.  I realize that I have gone over my allotted calories for the day.  This brings me to my little trick of the day - LAST CHANCE WORKOUT.  

If you ever watch the show, "Biggest Loser," you know that the contestants go through a very rigorous workout just a few hours before their weekly weigh in.  The call it the last chance workout.  The point is that it is never too late to burn some calories and try to improve your weigh in, even in the 10th hour.  Well, I think its never too late to burn some calories and try to balance out your calories in/calroies out ratio for the day.  As I've said time and time again, the only way to lose weight is to burn more calories than you consume.  So if you consume too many, all you have ot do is burn more to balance things out. 

What do I do for my "last chance workout?"  Simple - walk.   I like to put the dog on her leash and take a walk around the neighborhood.  Sometimes I call a friend on the phone while I walk.  Sometimes I just walk in silence and think or pray or meditate.  Just 45 minutes of walking will usually burn enough calories to get me back in a good place.  If I don't feel like walking I sometimes go over to my parents house and swim in their pool for 20 minutes.  Cleaning the house for half an hour works too. 

So don't go to bed feeling sorry for yourself if you eat too much.  Just get up off the couch and burn some more calories and try to improve your situation.  Its never too late for a last chance workout. 

5 Litte Tricks

Hello friends.  This week I would like to share with you 5 little tricks that help me to combat the desire to overeat, make poor food choices, and ultimatley gain weight.  I will share with you one little trick a day....

TRICK #1 - Brush your teeth!  Sometimes in the evening, after the kids are in bed, after I have met my caloric goals for the day, but before a major food craving hits, I brush my teeth.  Instantly I feel clean, fresh, and ready for bed.  Eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is suddenly not as desirable when my mouth is all minty fresh.

Just a tiny little hint that has helped me out along the way.  Give it a try next time your night time craving creeps up on you! 

Weekly Weigh In

Weighed in this morning and found that I am 2 pounds lighter than I was at this time last week. 

Hallelujah I lost 2 pounds!

At this point in my journey I am actually losing the desire to overeat.  It is not as hard as it once was for me to turn down foods that are high in fat and carbs but low in nutrients, and its also a lot easier for me to put down the fork after a reasonable amount of food has been consumed.  I'm not saying that I don't pig out anymore, because I definitely do, buts more like a once a week occurrence rather than a once every other day occurrence.  I am proud of myself for not only losing weight, but also for changing my relationship with food.

SO, 12 pounds down, 43 pounds to go.  I have lost 5.8% of my body weight so far.  Finally, I seem to be on a roll!  Let's just keep right on rolling. 

Unexpected Work Outs

Exercise is one of the cornerstones of weight loss.  In order to lose weight you have to burn more calories than you take in.  Part of that equation, as you know, is burning calories!  However, I believe that you do not have to strap on your tennis shoes and head to the gym to exercise.  This week I have been thinking about all the different ways I get significant exercise without trying to "work out."  Sometimes I don't even have to leave home.  Here are some ways you can feel the burn without "exercising" in the traditional sense of the word:

Cleaning - Working to make your house squeaky clean (or at least presentable) is a great way to burn calories.  According to MyFitnessPal, just 30 minutes of moderate cleaning effort burns about 110 calories!  I don't know about you, but I can find 30 minutes of things to clean without even trying.  Laundry, washing dishes, picking up toys, sweeping and mopping - I feel more motivated to do these things knowing that I am not only getting some chores done, but also feeling the burn.  

Walking - I have written about this one before, but I love walking!  No sexy gym outfits or expensive sneakers required!  Just strap the kiddos into the stroller, grab the dog, throw on some crocks, sandals, or whatever comfy footwear you like and WALK.  Its that simple.  MyFitnessPal tells me that if I walk at a moderate pace (3.0 miles per hour) for half an hour I will burn 145 calories! 

 Gardening - Another great way to get a chore done and also do some exercising.  I used to thing that gardening was something that only cute old ladies with floppy straw hats and colorful work gloves did.  But now I know that all you really need is dirt, some things planted in the dirt, and weeds to pull!  Seriously, walking around your flower bed or veggie patch and pulling those pesky weeds is a good workout!  MyFitnessPal suggests that just 30 minutes of general gardening will burn 175 calories for me!  Yeah, baby! 

So there you have it, three non conventional ways of burning some major calories.  How do YOU burn calories without stepping into a gym???  Post a comment and keep the conversation going! 

Weekly Weigh In

At long last, a blog post!  It has been very hard to find time and energy to post during these past couple of weeks, due in part to Nick's mission trip to Nicaragua, but also because of my 2 week long gig with the Bristol Valley Theater in Naples, NY.  SO here we are, and I am finally able to update you all... 

This week, I lost 1 pound!  (1.2 pounds, technically.)  Considering how draining this past week has been, I am very pleased with that small success.  For me, its all about the little successes that will slowly add up to big rewards! 

Speaking of which, I'VE LOST 10 POUNDS SO FAR!  I have been so concerned with my week to week gains and losses that I have just now been able to sit back and realize that all of a sudden I am 10 pounds smaller!  I have to be honest, that feels really, really good.  It has been a long time since I have felt good about my body, since I have felt like I have a body to be proud of.  Success is often a catalysis for growth in my life, and as of right now, I couldn't be more motivated to keep pressing on toward my ultimate weight loss goals. 

 
It may take me years to get to a weight that I am truly content with, but I am OK with that.  I am at peace with the fact that my weight loss journey has many peaks and valleys.  Desptie the ups and downs, the overall direction needs to be down.  If that is true, then I have done well. 

At this point in my story, I can truthfully say that I am losing weight, slowly and with small periodic setbacks, but I am doing it.  I AM DOING IT... Yay me. :-)

Weekly Weigh In

Soooooooo, I gained a pound this week, making my current weight 196 lbs.  I was doing really, really well, then a couple of things happened, and my diet just got thrown way out of whack...

I was originally supposed to be playing in the pit orchestra for a production of "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum" next week.  There are performances this week, too, but I was splitting the gig with a colleague, and she was going to play all of the shows this week.  However, she injured her back and was unable to play, so I ended up filling in for her.  So in addition to taking care of the kids without Nick, teaching my regularly scheduled music lessons, I also had to drive to Naples every night (35 minute drive) and play the musical, then drive home again.  I was basically gone from 6pm to 11pm Tuesday through Friday this week.  I was stressed out and starting binge eating.  Actually, I would pretty much go all day without eating very much at all, then I would get home from the show and pig out, go to bed late, get up in the middle of the night, rise for the day at 6am exhausted, and start the whole cycle over again... 

PLUS, my 6 month old daughter seemed to hit some sort of growth spurt as soon as Nick left, and her whole schedule was thrown off track.  She was eating all the time and barely sleeping.  I am usually up with her once a night for a quick feeding, then she goes right back down.  This week she was up 3 and 4 times, sometimes staying awake for as much as and hour and a half in the middle of the night.  I was exhausted and just trying to get through each day without losing my mind.  I had no mental capacity left to make smart food choices.

AND I went to the Ontario County Fair.  Two word:  Kettle Corn. 

But despite the challenges and set backs of this week, I want to take just a minute out of this post to celebrate my accomplishments thus far in the journey, because I kind of glossed over them last week...

I AM BELOW MY PRE-PREGNANCY #2 WEIGHT! After I gave birht to my son in 2010 and before I got pregnant with my daughter the follwing year, the lowest I weighed was 198.5 lbs.  So it feels REALLY great to get below that number for the firts time in 2 years. 


I AM IN "ONE-DERLAND!" Out of the 200's, baby, and not looking back. 

I HAVE NOT GIVEN UP YET!   Ok, so maybe I gave up for a day or two here and there during the past 4 months, but in the end I have stuck it out and continued to strive for health gain and weight loss. 

I am not upset about a one pound gain this week.  It was a weird week, and inconsistency is to be expected.  Nick comes home tomorrow and I can start this fresh again.  I am so excited to continue this journey with you.  Thanks for being a part of my story! 

Update on my challebging week

A friend of mine who is a military wife told me that she usually loses weight when he has to endure long periods without her husband.  She suspects it is because she has less time to eat since she is so busy caring for the kids and house.  Well, I don't know if I am losing weight or not, but I DEFINITELY have less time to eat!  I barely ate at all today, and that is HUGE for a girl who snacks at every chance she can get.  In fact, I ate so little that I can give you today's menu in a very short list.  Here is what I ate today:

•  2 slices of whole wheat toast with peanut butter
• Coffee with half and half 
• Roast beef and cheese on a Flat Out wrap 
• Lara Bar 
• Banana

 Perhaps I should have eaten more, but I honestly did not have time!  I never thought I would have to consciously make time for eating a balanced diet.  My, how children change the name of the game!

I have been doing so much better than I though I would without Nick here.  I do miss him and I can't wait to see him in 3 days, but in the mean time, I have managed to keep a good attitude, despite how utterly exhausted I am.  I feel empowered by my ability to take command of the house and family by myself.  However, I am ready to have my husband back. 

Another full day tomorrow.  I will look for more opportunities to eat small, wholesome meals. 

A challenging week

This is going to be a challenging week for me. Nick, my main support system, is out of the country on a mini mission trip to dig a well in Central America all this week. I miss having his encouragement and excitement around. Its also hard for me to make wholesome food choices when I have so little energy left after taking care of the kids all day and night. However, its also a little easier to eat right, since I am so busy with the kids I have very little time to actually eat! I did fairly well yesterday, although it was difficult for me to not binge eat once the kids were in bed. I did ok, though, and managed to limit my snacking to a big glass of wine and a couple cups of kettle corn. I am going to try to load the kids up at some point today and get a nice long walk.

As I said, I am pretty exhausted today. As a matter of fact, the writing composition part of my brain seems to be still asleep, as I can come up with nothing more to say. Keep the kids and I in your thoughts and prayers this week as we have 5 more days before daddy comes home. (With some help arriving on Wednesday night in the form of Uncle Michael and Aunt Dorothy.) Thanks!

The team digging the well 

My hard hat babe

Weekly weigh in

After such a dissapointing weigh in last week I am thrilled to report that I weighed in at 195 pounds this morning! So I guess I lost 5 pounds this week! It seems strange that I would suddenly lose 5 pounds BUT HEY I'll take it. :) I am headed to my parents cabin for the weekend in a few minutes, hence the early weigh in and the short post from my Kindle. I will post again when I return. Finally some sucess and it is so encouraging amd motivating! :) :) :)

Wordless Wednesday

Burn more calories - wear your baby!  (National Zoo, Washington, DC) 

On a hike at Gannett Hill, Naples, NY

Hiking again, Potter County, PA

Not losing weight but gaining health...

A very wise friend once told me, during a candid conversation we were having about our weight struggles, that she has the most success when she thinks about gaining health rather than losing weight. I always thought it was a wise sentiment but I could never really take it on as my own. Today, however, I really thought about it alot and started to adopt it as my mantra. Today I was active and I made wholesome food choices. I have no idea what the scale says but despite the ups and downs of my weight number, my body felt great! I think that no matter how long it takes me to reach my own ideal weight I can feel good about my progress because without a shadow of a doubt I am gaining health.

Bring it ON.

I jumped in the pool with my clothes on tonight, something I haven't done for years.  The last time I remember even jumping in the pool was about 7 years ago right after Nick and I started dating.  I was wearing flowing, pink linen pants and a tight white tank top.  I was thin and impulse and confident.  Quite the contrast from tonight, as I was hot and sweaty and bumming out that I was at home taking care of the kids instead of at the Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds concert.  I was feeling sorry for myself and frustrated and trapped, and I just had to break free.  I turned to my brother in law, asked him to hold the baby for a minute, I ran up to the pool and jumped in.  My body sliced through the cold water and I sunk down to the bottom.  As I floated towards the top, time seemed to slow down.  I heard a small voice tell me not to give up this fight.  "Just keep going, Reb.  Don't stop.  Don't you dare stop." I came to the top and swept my hair out of my face.  I took a long, cool breath and smiled.

Losing weight is a fight and struggle.  It is not easy for me.  I am stubborn and addicted to food and I don't accept change easily.  But I want more than anything to be thin and fit and healthy.  Just because this is hard does not mean that it isn't a worthy fight.  

I started this blog as a way to keep me motivated, and above all else, honest with myself.  In being honest with you, I am being honest with myself.  Here is an honest statement - this is a tough process, and for me its a process that I do not enjoy, but I am NOT going to quit, and I WILL lose weight and have the body I always dream of.  If it takes me 10 years to get there, so be it.  So for better or for worse, I blog on... 

Tomorrow is a new day, an new week, and most likely, a whole set of new challenges.  And I welcome them.  Bring it ON. 

Weekly Weigh In

I weighed in this morning at 200.0 lbs.  I felt like I did really well this week and I have no idea why the number on the scale did not reflect that.  I feel healthier and lighter on my feet and I FEEL like I am losing weight... but apparently that is not the case.  I feel like I am doing as much as I can... not as much as is humanly possible, but as much as a breast feeding mom with a toddler and an infant can do right now.  Somehow its just not enough.  Do you ever feel like what you do is NEVER enough... yeah.  

I was so disappointed this morning that I moped on the couch and watched Grey's Anatomy on Netflix while Nick and the kids went on a long walk. Then I ate about a million butterscotch chips and a couple bowls of ice cream.  If I am going to be fat anyway, I might as well have fun doing it, right?

Feeling pretty down today.  Not sure what direction to take from here.  That's all for today.

You know its been a good day when...

You know its been a good day when... 

You had a really filling breakfast.
You decided to drink more coffee instead of eat more coffee cake when the morning craving hit.
You took a long walk and burned major calories.
You went to an Arts Festival and did not eat a pound of kettle corn.
You went to an Arts Festival and did not eat fried food.
You went to an Arts Festival and only had 2 free samples at the cracker and mustard table.
You ate a good dinner and passed up ice cream for dessert.
You drank at least 64 ounces of water throughout the day.
You went to bed feeling good about the coming day.

I had a great day today. :-) 

And a good hair day, to boot. 

Cheesecake Factory and other travesties

The DelVillano family is back home, and here to stay for at least couple of weeks.  Traveling so much has been really draining for all of us in our own special ways.  For me, it has been hard to stick to my caloric goals, even when I try.  During our last weekend get-away I actually REALLY tried to make good choices, but our food industry, as I found out, makes it so hard...

Serving sizes in our country are astronomical, and the hidden fat, preservatives and obscene amount of calories are just staggering.  Take my dinner at the Cheesecake Factory on Sunday night, for example.  According to "My Fitness Pal," I should be consuming about 1530 calories a day if I want to lose 1.5 pounds a week.  (As a nursing Mama I usually eat closer to 1800.)  I knew that I wouldn't be able to find something totally healthy going out to dinner, but I thought I should be able to pick something somewhat reasonable and stay within my caloric goal for the day.  I chose a simple pasta dish that had minimal ingredients (or so I thought.)  I ate the dish, thought it was delicious, and was thoroughly proud of myself for passing up Chicken Alfredo or the Bistro Shrimp and Pasta Plate.  When I got home I sat down with my Kindle to log my calories for the evening.  I looked up the nutrition facts for the tomato basil pasta I ate, and just about died when I discovered that my meal was over 1600 calories!!!!  For a simple pasta dish! Good thing I didn't order the Bistro Shrimp and Pasta Plate - 2285 calories!!! 

1,600 calories.   

I know that restaurants have really gone over the top these days when it comes to portion sizes, but COME ON!  If I had eaten that tomato basil pasta dish and NOTHING ELSE for the entire day, I would STILL be over my calorie goal.  No wonder so many people in our country have trouble maintaining a healthy weight. 

How can the Cheesecake Factory sell someone a plate of food and market it as a normal dinner portion when it packs over 2,000 calories?  I feel like that should be a crime.  I realize that it is not their prerogative to serve healthy or diet food.  It is only their prerogative to make money and run a successful business, which they do fantastically.  However, I feel completely and utterly deceived and tricked, and that is just not nice.  Not nice at all. 

Now, I do have to admit that after further investigation, I found out that the Cheesecake Factory offers other dishes that are, in fact, lower in calories.  (Like thier "Skinnylicious Pasta” that has just over 500.)  But it still seems crazy to me that they fell they need to label a food as "skinny" or "diet" if it has a reasonable amount of calories.  What has happened to our perception of food consumption, and how can we turn it around?  Where can a fat girl turn when she wants to have a normal, enjoyable meal out without ordering foods labeled as "weight watchers meals?"  Why does it seem that NO ONE in the food industry values moderation anymore? 

All else aside, I've had a good week back at home and I'm still loving "My Fitness Pal."  I am actually looking forward to the weigh in on Saturday and I'm hoping to enter "One-derland."  I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.......

Weekly Weigh In

I am posting very quickly tonight from my Kindle Fire. I weighed in this morning at 200 pounds.So I did not lose any weight BUT I didn't gain any either. I am dissapointed, honestly, but I am happy that my weight is at least steady. I think maybe one more week of using my Fitness Pal religiously will be beneficial. Also more exercising. Probably will not post again until I get back home on Tuesday. Until then, my fitness friends. PEACE.

LOL Cat hating on lettuce

I can haz lettuce???

Nothing much to say today.  Just a silly picture of a cat hating on salad to brighten your day.  ;-)

I'm doing my weigh in a day early this week because I will be out of town yet again on Saturday.  So weigh in will be on Friday morning, and I'll post the results late in the evening.  That's all for now.

Home Made Lara Bars!

Today Nick and I channeled our inner hippie and made our own Lara Bars!  It was so easy... even though we burned out the motor in our blender.  Woops.  But other than that we did a great job.  Here is what we did:

1. Pitted 28 dried dates.
2. Pureed dates with stick blender. (This is when the motor burned out. I think a food processor or a VitaMix would have been more appropriate tools for this step.)
3. Ground up about half a pound of raw cashew nuts.
4. Mixed nuts and dates together with a wooden spoon, then my hands.
5. Formed bars.
6. Wrapped in plastic wrap.

 Our Lara Bars are made entirely with organic dates and organic, raw cashews.  They are about 250 calories each, which seems like a lot of a little bar, but it will be a fantastic on-the-go breakfast or a powerful snack for Nick before his softball games.

Relating to my post yesterday about fat, salt and sugar cravings, this would be an example of a very positive and wholesome way to fulfill a sugar or fat craving.

Very happy with our home made Lara Bars!

Craving Tri-fecta

 I was reading an article in my grandmother's diabetes magazine this past weekend about food cravings.  The author made a very interesting point about the types of foods we crave, and the foods that we can not "eat just one" of.  Apparently it all has to do with THREE very addictive ingredients...

FAT
SUGAR
SALT

Think about those foods we crave and cannot get enough of.  Every one I can think of has at least TWO of those three components.  And the more irresistable the food, the more of them it has.  Let's think of some examples:

Potato Chips - fat and salt
Chocoalte - sugar and fat
Popcorn - salt and fat (butter, usually)
Donuts - fat and sugar

Some snacks even include all three, like honey roasted nuts, which include fat, sugar AND salt.  Not that fat, sugar and salt are necessarily bad by themselves, but combined with processed, empty calorie snacks, they can really wreak havoc on your health. 

 It is a fact that our bodies crave certain things because we NEED them in order to survive.  Cravings are our body's way of encouraging us to eat those things which will sustain life.  However, we have strayed so far from the food chain that our bodies are thoroughly confused.  We think of M&M's when we crave sweets instead of fresh fruit, for example.  When we just want to bite into something we go for a meatball sub instead of a big juicy apple.  Sugar and salt in excess send all kinds of mixed signals to our brains, causing us to reach for the chips and dip instead of more natural alternatives. 

I do belive that its possible to reprogram outselves to crave foods that are healthy and wholesome, but its certainly not easy!  We need to be willing to say "NO" to processed, preserved, salted and overly sugared foods.  It may cost more money, and it may cause us to feel deprived and sorry for ourslves at first.  In the end, however, it is SO GOOD for our over all health.  Our weight will drop and our organs will start working more efficiently.  We will build muscle and improve our skin tone and gain our energy back.  We cannot hope to change over night, but we can make small changes over the coarse of a period of time and gain back our ability to crave the foods that will help instead of hurt us.  We can do it. 

Weekly Weigh In

I weighed myself on Saturday while on vacation in Pennsylvania, and I was surprised and relieved to see that I FINALLY lost some weight.  I lost 1 pound.  I know it really isn't much, but I was overjoyed to see the number on the scale decreasing instead of increasing or staying the same, as it has done for so many weeks.  This little bit of sucess has REALLY motivated me this week, and I have been working so hard for the past couple of days. 

I have been saying NO to foods that I shouldn't eat and saying YES to things like water and carrot sticks.  I have been staying active and keeping my mind off food.  Its been great.

Another bit of motivation that has been fantastic for me - my husband bought me a Kindle Fire for a surprise anniversary gift!  This has enabled me to start using "My Fitness Pal," an online fitness tracker.  I now bring my Kindle everywhere and log all of my food consumption as well as exercise.  Journaling my food and exercise in this way is SO motivating for me.  I feel a renewed sense of success and hope. 

You will notice that I have changed my "weight loss stats" in the upper right hand corner of the blog to a "badge" from My Fitness Pal.  Since I was already 200 lbs. when I started using the program, the badge reports that I have not lost any weight yet.  But you and I know that my journey has already begun, and to date I have lost 5 POUNDS!  Halelujia. 

5 lbs. down, 45 lbs. to go... and onward I march!