Bring it ON.

I jumped in the pool with my clothes on tonight, something I haven't done for years.  The last time I remember even jumping in the pool was about 7 years ago right after Nick and I started dating.  I was wearing flowing, pink linen pants and a tight white tank top.  I was thin and impulse and confident.  Quite the contrast from tonight, as I was hot and sweaty and bumming out that I was at home taking care of the kids instead of at the Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds concert.  I was feeling sorry for myself and frustrated and trapped, and I just had to break free.  I turned to my brother in law, asked him to hold the baby for a minute, I ran up to the pool and jumped in.  My body sliced through the cold water and I sunk down to the bottom.  As I floated towards the top, time seemed to slow down.  I heard a small voice tell me not to give up this fight.  "Just keep going, Reb.  Don't stop.  Don't you dare stop." I came to the top and swept my hair out of my face.  I took a long, cool breath and smiled.

Losing weight is a fight and struggle.  It is not easy for me.  I am stubborn and addicted to food and I don't accept change easily.  But I want more than anything to be thin and fit and healthy.  Just because this is hard does not mean that it isn't a worthy fight.  

I started this blog as a way to keep me motivated, and above all else, honest with myself.  In being honest with you, I am being honest with myself.  Here is an honest statement - this is a tough process, and for me its a process that I do not enjoy, but I am NOT going to quit, and I WILL lose weight and have the body I always dream of.  If it takes me 10 years to get there, so be it.  So for better or for worse, I blog on... 

Tomorrow is a new day, an new week, and most likely, a whole set of new challenges.  And I welcome them.  Bring it ON.