Trying To Push Through

I am so tired today, emotionally and physically.  Life as a mom with 2 kids under 2 is just exhausting.  I could write a long essay about my days at home and how hard and draining they are, but I'll spare you the details.  I will just say that some days, many days, it feels like my wants, needs, opinions and desires are completely secondary...no, tertiary to the wants and needs of my children.  Its exhausting, and normally, this feeling of exhaustion and being drained would be enough to make me give in to the overwhelming temptation to "eat my feelings," as I say.  I would normally feel sorry for myself, see this as a reason to eat half a pan of brownies, feel guilty, then decide to avoid the guilt by giving up on my weight loss goals all together and just eat at will.  However, I am desperately trying to not do that tonight.

Its not easy.  I definitely went for the brownie mix this evening, but put it down at the last moment.  I want so badly to feel sorry for myself and eat half of an apple pie right now...  But I am not going to do that this time.  Not that I have resisted temptation all day, because I have definitely given in more than once.  I'm not going to let it kill my journey however.  I won't let my lack of sleep bring my momentum to a screeching halt.  Even though I want to. 

I apologize that my blog post today is not more inspirational or uplifting.  I made a promise to you, my faithful readers, and myself, that I would share all of my journey - the successes and celebrations, the heartache and failure - honestly and openly.  Tonight I uphold my promise by telling you that I did a lot of snacking today, but I did redeem myself slightly by resisting the urge to completely pig out late at night.  I am emotionally and physically spent, and it makes resisting food so hard.  But for the sake of doing things differently this time, for ONCE in my life, losing the weight and NOT going back, I am trying to push through.  Thanks for holding my virtual hand through this process.